I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
