So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The struggles of a small town man whore
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
