No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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