Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
