hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
