just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
