Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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