Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
