you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
