i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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