I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
