'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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