my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
