New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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