I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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