Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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