wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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