so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
