garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
