Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
