Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
