worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Randomize
