I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
