are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
