just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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