Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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