And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
ugly people sure do ruin things
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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