when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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