help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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