1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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