I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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