oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
