Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
