Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
