Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
