You smell like a Billy Joel song
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
