But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
