She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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