So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
