put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If that was your dad, he is hot
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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