homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize