dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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