i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
