Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
and i looked up. we had an audience...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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