She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
