Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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