I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
