So drunk its hurt
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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