Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize