Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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