Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
