Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
