guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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