mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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