covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm at about main and main street
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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