She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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