so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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