that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
