He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
