My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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